/ an ever growing age of the digital world & globalization & of being filmed & watched & when our love letters turned into text messages. to the lost memories of when i knew childhood before the age of eight. i remember being a girl but i don't. /

/ at age nine, my life changed forever as puberty was the worst & best thing that happened to me. i was bleeding before i knew why i cried. the past can be too painful so we forget subconsciously. i forget my own girlhood to be a boy & a man. i tell myself it would only hurt less that way. /

/ i don't speak for all trans experiences, but this was mine & it was heartbreaking – but at the same time, my transness & all it has led to happen shaped me to who i am today & still breathing. i am grateful to have known transness even if i didn't grow up with the exact childhood i dreamed for. /

/ this piece is a love letter to my childhood before puberty made me hate my body & myself in the following years of the footage filmed — now on a path to an adulthood of healing & remembering. /