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to boyhood, i never knew him

 4min, 2022

/ i tried at girlhood /

 

/ i live in this boyless body /

 

/ archive footage from 2006 - 2010 of a young girl growing up during the ages of four to eight. words from a transgender man float to the surface as fleeting memories go on. only fragments of what is remembered exists. /

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"to boyhood, i never knew him" is a short experimental film featuring a distorted poem and archive footage from 2006 - 2010. Words from a transgender man float to the surface of the screen as the blurry memories play, displaying how only fragments of what is remembered exists. The piece is a love letter to the filmmaker’s childhood before his understanding of gender and body dysphoria, and a way of reclamation of his now adult body and spirit on a path of healing and perseverance.

/ an ever growing age of the digital world & globalization & of being filmed & watched & when our love letters turned into text messages. to the lost memories of when i knew childhood before the age of eight. i remember being a girl but i don't. /

 

/ at age nine, my life changed forever as puberty was the worst & best thing that happened to me. i was bleeding before i knew why i cried. the past can be too painful so we forget subconsciously. i forget my own girlhood to be a boy & a man. i tell myself it would only hurt less that way. /

 

/ i don't speak for all trans experiences, but this was mine & it was heartbreaking – but at the same time, my transness & all it has led to happen shaped me to who i am today & still breathing. i am grateful to have known transness even if i didn't grow up with the exact childhood i dreamed for. /

 

 

 

/ stills / __________________________________________________________________________________________

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